Today is Mother’s Day, and I’m thinking about my mother-in-law who passed away this year on April 1, just a week after her 88th birthday.
She spent so many holidays and other visits at my house, and although I would not say she was like a second mother to me, she was a positive presence in my life, and she imparted her tidbits of elder wisdom to me and our family over the years.
At the end of yoga class yesterday my teacher wished us a happy Mother’s Day, and I responded that I wanted to wish her a special day, too, because even though she never gave birth to a child, she has nurtured me and many others over the years as her spiritual children.
I’ve tapered off the anti-depressants that I’ve been taking since my youngest son was three months old. For almost thirty years I’ve been on one kind of SSRI or another, all stemming from severe post partem depression and then ensuing trauma.
Maybe because I’m off the meds, a certain kind of pervasive sadness has returned. I’m trying to work my way through the fatigue and mild anxiety in the hopes that my body will re-learn to regulate itself and I can learn how to let these moods come and go without latching onto the idea that I need the SSRI to cope. Thirty years on these meds is a long time. I want to give my body a chance to heal on its own.
What helps me is going to yoga class with my beloved teachers, listening to guided meditations, and being outside under the wild waving trees who stand sentinel over my garden, these oaks and pines that quiver with nonjudgmental aliveness. And tea. Tea steeped in my MIL’s pot.
Balanced On the Edge 
You’re doing so well! You’re in touch with your feelings and you will persevere! I love your drawing and that you’re using Katherine’s tea pot. I’m sure it connects you to her in many wonderful ways.
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Thank you, Meg! Your encouragement means a lot to me. 💗🙏
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I’m glad that you are taking care of yourself and embracing a holistic persepective, though I’m sorry about the “pervasive sadness.”
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Thank you, JC, it’s a work in progress…
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Wow, this gives me hope. I, too, have been on antidepressants for decades (24 years) and would like, finally, to taper off. But have been afraid to try. Good luck, and take care.
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Anti-depressants have helped me a lot, but since I retired in 2020, I can take the time to care for myself, and I have needed to! I’ve experienced fatigue, random muscle aches, etc… since going off. I did taper, but maybe I should have taken longer.
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Ann, I wanted to get back to you to say I am back on a different SSRI after relapsing. It didn’t take longer than two months before I got hit with it. Be well and take good care. Thank you for reading and commenting on my posts. I’m so glad to have found you through Dave, although I had heard of you as a poet before.
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