Mother’s Day and the Blues

Today is Mother’s Day, and I’m thinking about my mother-in-law who passed away this year on April 1, just a week after her 88th birthday.

She spent so many holidays and other visits at my house, and although I would not say she was like a second mother to me, she was a positive presence in my life, and she imparted her tidbits of elder wisdom to me and our family over the years.

At the end of yoga class yesterday my teacher wished us a happy Mother’s Day, and I responded that I wanted to wish her a special day, too, because even though she never gave birth to a child, she has nurtured me and many others over the years as her spiritual children.

I’ve tapered off the anti-depressants that I’ve been taking since my youngest son was three months old. For almost thirty years I’ve been on one kind of SSRI or another, all stemming from severe post partem depression and then ensuing trauma.

Maybe because I’m off the meds, a certain kind of pervasive sadness has returned. I’m trying to work my way through the fatigue and mild anxiety in the hopes that my body will re-learn to regulate itself and I can learn how to let these moods come and go without latching onto the idea that I need the SSRI to cope. Thirty years on these meds is a long time. I want to give my body a chance to heal on its own.

What helps me is going to yoga class with my beloved teachers, listening to guided meditations, and being outside under the wild waving trees who stand sentinel over my garden, these oaks and pines that quiver with nonjudgmental aliveness. And tea. Tea steeped in my MIL’s pot.

7 thoughts on “Mother’s Day and the Blues

  1. meg says:

    You’re doing so well! You’re in touch with your feelings and you will persevere! I love your drawing and that you’re using Katherine’s tea pot. I’m sure it connects you to her in many wonderful ways.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Christine says:

      Anti-depressants have helped me a lot, but since I retired in 2020, I can take the time to care for myself, and I have needed to! I’ve experienced fatigue, random muscle aches, etc… since going off. I did taper, but maybe I should have taken longer.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Christine says:

      Ann, I wanted to get back to you to say I am back on a different SSRI after relapsing. It didn’t take longer than two months before I got hit with it. Be well and take good care. Thank you for reading and commenting on my posts. I’m so glad to have found you through Dave, although I had heard of you as a poet before.

      Liked by 1 person

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